i pity the fool who lives like you

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I: first grade

On the first day of first grade, Tommy Innit barrels into the entirely wrong classroom full force. The teacher and several of the students whip their heads around at the red blur, but the students, at least, know Tommy. He crashes into another boy full force, tackling him out of his chair and onto the ground. 

“TUBBOOO,” he shouts, and if you didn’t know better you would think it had been years since he had seen his friend, rather than approximately two months. Tubbo laughs, and turns over on him, pinning him to the ground only for a moment before the two are full-on wrestling. The teacher comes to shut them down eventually, and Tommy is late to his class, but that’s alright. He’ll see Tubbo at lunch.

 

II: second grade

On the first day of second grade, Tommy goes to his classroom. He’s excited to show off what a big man he’s become over the last two months- he’s grown a full two inches! After he drops off his backpack at his cubby, he goes back to his desk. Last year he went to hunt Tubbo down in his classroom, so this year Tubbo will probably come to him- he’s definitely seen the list by now. 

Something like ten minutes later-- after Tommy has finished arranging the inside of his desk, but before he’s had the chance to introduce himself to his teacher, he hears footsteps- loud and fast. He turns, just in time to catch Tubbo when he throws himself at him. 

“Big T! Would you like to hear a fun fact about dinosaurs?” he mutters into his friend’s hair

“Sure thing, bossman.”

“The Microraptor had feathers but couldn’t fly.”

“That’s pretty cool, big man.”
“It is incredibly cool, Tubbo.”

 

III: after Tommy moved

Around a week after school ended, Tommy Innit moved into a rental apartment. For the following two weeks, he slept on a mattress there, in the same small room as his parents while the house sold: they were moving across town. Specifically (as per his request) they were moving into the house next door to Tubbo’s. It wasn’t until a month before the start of school that he actually moved in.

He wasn’t allowed to go to Tubbo’s at first, his parents needed him to help unpack his bedroom at least , so it was a full day until he could walk the thirty steps needed to get from his own new front porch to Tubbo’s front porch. He rings the doorbell.

“Hello, gremlin,” Wilbur (Tubbo’s older brother) says as he opens the door, Terraria still playing on the 3DS stuck half out of his pocket.

“Hello, Big Dubs,” Tommy says, peeking around him to try and spot Tubbo. “Poggers day, innit? You know where Tubso is?”

“I do not.” Wilbur steps aside and opens the door wider so Tommy can actually get into the house. “One second.” He turns to face the rest of the house. “TUBBOOOOOOOOO TOMMY’S HEREEEEEEEEEE. That should do it.” 

Tommy half-jogs past Wilbur, further into the house. He’s never actually been here before-- he and Tubbo usually played at the playground outside of school. Tubbo’s footsteps thunkthunkthunkthunkthunkthunk down the stairs, and he grabs Tommy’s wrist before dragging him up to his room. Tubbo (the biggest man Tommy has ever known outside of himself) then proceeds to drop Tommy’s hand, and throw himself at the dark green bed in the center of the room. 

“So, how was the move, bossman?”

Tommy sits where he is on the floor, pulling Wilbur’s 3DS out of his pocket. “Eh,” he says, “I didn’t like it much. Had to sleep on a mattress in the rental, so. Could’ve been better.” He starts tossing Wilbur’s armor into the water. “For a while, people thought birds evolved from crocodile ancestors.”

Tubbo stands and walks around to his back, to look over his shoulder. “Cool. Is that Wil’s DS?”

“Yeah, I’m gonna fuck up his Terraria game, d’you wanna help?”

Tubbo smacks him over the back of the head, and Tommy knows that means of course I do, dumbass .

 

IV: after Tubbo’s family trip

Tommy Innnit is in the fourth grade, and he has been alone. Let him restate, for clarity: for the last two weeks, Tommy has been without Tubbo and Wilbur for the first time in over a year. He has found, over these two weeks, that there is not much point in Christmas if there is not Tubbo (or at very minimum Wilbur) to celebrate with. They’ll be back from their trip tomorrow, fortunately, and there is still snow on the ground, but the fact remains that Tommy has refused to open his stocking, and is currently hiding in the dry ditch behind their houses. When his mother calls him in he digs himself out of his snow mound and walks up to the little square concrete patio and through the door. He takes off his snow boots, and his snowsuit, and his hat and coat and gloves, and drags his feet into the bathroom. He pours himself a hot bath and sits in the water, silent, for an hour before he drags himself to his room to put on PJs. His mother calls him for dinner but he does not answer. He sleeps- he’s been told that will bring Tubbo back sooner.

When he wakes it’s to someone belly-flopping onto him. Tommy squints at Tubbo. He shivers and squints at Tubbo some more. Tubbo is in his room. Tubbo is in his house, and, looking out the window he can see his window open (that must be why it’s so cold in here) and so is Tubbo’s. Tubbo climbed across the gap to his room. Tubbo is home. Tubbo is home! Tommy shoves his friend off of his bed, before falling off himself. He shoves face into Tubbo’s chest. He cries, just a little, and Tubbo buries his face in Tommy’s hair and cries too.

“We should never do this again,” Tommy tells him, and Tubbo nods. “Early birds looked a lot like reptiles and that’s how they figured out that they’re dinosaurs.”

Tubbo whacks him. “Are you going to tell me dinosaur facts every time you see me after a week?”

“Shut up. It’s how I show affection, bitch.”

 

V: The last time Tommy came back to visit again after he moved (in fifth grade)

Starting fifth grade in a new state is decidedly not Tommy’s favorite thing. In fact, he fucking hates it. He hasn’t seen Tubbo or Wilbur in over a month, and he’s about ready to commit some crimes if it makes this car move any faster to go home. It’s November, and his grandparents all live in the same place as Tubbo, so he’s squeezed an extra day before Thanksgiving to see Tubbo. He’s too much of a big man to pretend he doesn’t miss his brother, and he’s been hanging on only by the very thin thread that is the promise of this holiday. The car pulls up outside Tubbo’s house, and he walks the thirty steps to Tubbo’s front door. Wilbur answers it.

“Hello, gremlin.” He smiles, and ruffles Tommy’s hair. “It’s good to see you. Tubbo’s in his room.”

Tommy steals Wilbur’s DS and runs up the steps and into Tubbo’s room. The room is miserable in its familiarity, and he doesn’t make it more than two steps in before he sinks to the floor, lip wobbling. Tubbo plops down in front of him and falls into him. Tubbo shakes, as he cries, and then Tommy starts crying because Tubbo is crying and how could he not. Part of him has been gone for months and he doesn’t remember how he could stand summer break before he moved next to Tubbo. And the worst part is that they won’t open their stockings together this year. They didn’t trick-or-treat with Wilbur together. Next time someone tries to make fun of Tubbo for taking longer to read in class, Tommy won’t be there to beat them up. No one has been friends with Tommy. No one has listened to his dinosaur facts. 

“Hey, “ he says, voice shaking, “Big T, would you like to hear a dinosaur fact?”

Tubbo nods.

“Take big breaths,” he says first, then, “Not only are birds directly descended from dinosaurs, but they also are literally just dinosaurs. The dinosaurs didn’t go extinct, they’re just birds now.”

Tubbo’s laugh is thick, but he whispers, “You’ve told me that one before.”

Tommy whacks his friend lightly on the head. “You are not being very poggers right now Tubbo. I give you cool and pog facts and you just complain.” When he looks down again, Tubbo has all but fallen asleep leaning on him. He sighs, and settles himself in for a nap.

 

+I: When they’re sixteen

Tubbo is surprised to receive a letter in the mail from Technoblade, but he opens it anyway. The man is a legend in the world of fencing, and he and Tommy had read about him in the news during their brief fascination with the sport in third grade. He makes Wilbur read it to him when he sees Tommy’s name and gets excited- he doesn’t want to wait to figure it out for himself.

“‘To Tubbo Underscore,” Wilbur reads, “Hello. I’m Technoblade, I run an invitation-only summer camp slash boarding school for young people aged nine through eighteen. I recently invited a young man I’ve heard good things about by the name of Tommy Innit. Around ten minutes ago he stormed into my office, and demanded I invite you. He speaks very highly of you and is willing to vouch for your having a place here, and as such, consider this letter a formal invitation to camp. You will find the brochure enclosed. Warmest regards-” Wilbur looks up at him, “-Techno.’” Wilbur gives him back the letter. “What do you think? Are you going to go?”

Tubbo rips the letter from his hands and races to his room to pack. Wilbur shouts that he’ll take that as a yes. 

---

Tubbo Underscore shows up at the address from the brochure to find Tommy waiting for him at the entrance. He hasn’t seen his friend in three years- hasn’t even heard from him.

Tommys first sentence after he throws himself into Tubbo for a hug is, “In 1994, the name of the Alwalkeria maleriensis was changed to that from Walkeria maleriensis to avoid confusion with another species. There has only ever been one incomplete specimen found.”

Tubbo’s first sentence to Tommy is, “That’s that omnivore you like from the late triassic, right? It's pretty cool that the name got changed.” Tommy nods.

They cry a lot. And they talk a lot. And they’re going to have to re-learn each other, but god is it worth it to feel like he’s himself again. 

 

+II

When Wilbur gets an invitation shortly afterwards, he packs his old 3DS alongside his current one. Tommy somehow manages (within a month) to figure out that he’s gotten a new one, and where he hides it. Wilbur gives up on having a Terraria save file where he can keep his stuff for more than a few weeks, and he’s honestly not too upset about it. It wouldn’t be Tommy if he wasn’t a gremlin, and from the way the kid clings to him  and tells him about the Eoraptor when he arrives, it’s clear he was missed.