all i want for christmas

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“Um,” Grian says, “Are you wanting to put up your own baby ornaments or– I mean, I don’t care, but.” It pains him that he has to ask— he knows Scar’s pulse like the back of his own hands, like the insides of Scar’s wrists, even, but… well. It’s not like they were doing a lot of get-to-know you questions when they agreed they’d spend Christmas together.

“Oh, feel free, feel free,” Scar says with a light chuckle, “I don’t care either way.” The look on his face seems- off, somehow.

It’s almost like the look Scar gave him in the Southlands just before dying to their defenses, like he’s trying to convince Grian that everything will be okay even if he knows it won’t, except Grian isn’t sure what it is that’s bothering him. They’re on Hermitcraft, no death is going to be anything more than a minor inconvenience, so what’s with him? Not that he could even really ask, after Double Life. And Last Life, and probably after Third Life, too, even if everything had seemed so much simpler back then. Stealing a man’s life probably voids your right to make sure he’s okay and do everything you can to make him as happy or content or safe as possible, even if you have, in theory, apologized and moved on since then. Scar lifts his cup of eggnog slowly to his mouth and takes a long sip without breaking eye contact once.

Grian puts the baby ornament, labeled “Beta 1.2_02” in fancy calligraphy, on the tree. “Goodness,” he says, desperate to lighten the tension strung thick like blood between them. “You were a Beta 1.2 player?”

Scar glances up at the ornament. “Yeah, I joined pretty early. Why? What, were you new with Update Aquatic?” He’s joking, that’s a good sign. Unless he’s only joking because he knows Grian will notice something’s wrong the second he stops, in which case it’s worse than a bad sign. It’s the worst possible sign because it means he doesn’t feel safe around Grian, something Grian has no right to be upset about after- well. That train of thought leads him nowhere good, so he fakes a grin and swats Scar gently on the shoulder. Scar flinches, but suppresses it.

“No, stupid, I wasn’t spawned into Hermitcraft. I was a Horse Update player, 1.6.2. Just because you’re a Beta player doesn’t mean everyone else is that new, you old man.”

“Yeah, well, what can I say? You’re all so teeny and little.” Something is definitely wrong if Scar didn’t call him on also being old, which means he’s not feeling safe around Grian, which- which Grian has no room to criticize him for.

They should talk about it. They both know they should talk about it, they’re a couple of whole entire adults for goodness sake, but it’s hard. And it’s Christmas. Maybe they can handle this in January, and maybe they never will, but the tree needs to be decorated and eggnog needs to be drunk and Grian has a gift for Scar left in his storage at Scarland. Hopefully he finds it before December ends. It’s just a shulker of copper (which feels like it probably isn’t enough) but it’s the very early start of a very long apology. If Scar leaves because Grian broaches a difficult subject before Grian has the chance to mention it to him, he’ll probably never accept it.

(Grian doesn’t know it, yet, but Scar has a shulker box for him, too, hidden behind his couch to be found long after Scar leaves.)