shoulder to shoulder

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        The first thing A-Xian says after ruining Yanli’s life is something about how he isn’t sorry and the peacock deserves it. She sighs at him. They’re walking through the markets at Lotus Pier, heading towards the three of their favorite pier to sit on and watch the boats. A-Cheng would be with them, but he stayed back to talk to A-Die about the political situation with the Jin, dedicated as he is to being a good sect heir. Yanli is so, so proud of him. Yanli is considerably less proud of her older little brother, who is still going on about Jin Zixuan.

 

        “And he called you plain! Plain, Shijie! I couldn’t believe the nerve. He practically got down on his knees and begged me for a fist to his face, how else was I meant to react to that kind of disrespect?” He gestures wildly as they sit down, and it would be sweet that he’s so worked up on her behalf if he hadn’t just ruined her life. She steals the sack of lotus seeds from him. She feels a little bad, because he’s still growing, but Yanli deserves this, she thinks. The whole ordeal has been, just, awful, and no one is happy except, apparently, A-Xian. Yanli glares at him, hoping he’ll take the cue to shut up and watch the boats.

 

        “Ha! You glare at me, Shijie, but no matter how mad Yu-furen is it was worth it. The look on his face was so funny!” A-Xian cackles, and then he continues. “Besides! It all worked out in the end, and now you don’t have to pretend you like him anymore!”  Jiang Yanli places a small hand on his upper back and shoves him as hard as she can off the dock.

 

        He doesn’t resurface. Fuck– shit. Yanli just killed him didn’t she? She’s a terrible sister! How could she do this! This is just like that one time when they were small when she took A-Cheng swimming because she assumed babies were all born knowing how to swim and he almost drowned, except A-Xian’s drowning for real! Shit, he must have hit his head– she knows better than this! How could she do this to him– and for what? Trying to defend her honor? Yanli tosses the lotus seeds and her turbulent thoughts aside, and dives in after him.

 

        Wei Wuxian is perfectly fucking fine. Wei Wuxian is treading water perfectly calmly under the pier, and something in Yanli’s throat breaks. Is she tearing up?

        

        She must be, because his mischievous grin softens immediately and he cups her cheeks. “Oh, no, no, Shijie, I’m okay, I promise, I was just going to surprise you and pull you in too.”

 

        Yanli buries her head in his chest. “You suck!” she scolds. “Why would you do this to me!” He chuckles softly and she shoves him gently. “It’s not funny! It isn’t, it’s not okay!”

 

        “Okay, Shijie,” A-Xian says, “I’m sorry. It just seemed a little funny is all, that I was only gone for a moment and you’re so upset with me, but you’re right, it’s not funny that you thought I was dead.” He grabs one of the dock beams with one hand, and smooths her wet hair back from her forehead with the other.

 

        “It’s not about your stupid prank, jerk,” Yanli sniffles, “You just really love to laugh about things that aren’t funny.”

 

A-Xian doesn’t still– he can’t, they’re both treading water, still, under the dock– but there’s a catch in his breath that tells her he would have. “What are you talking about?”

        

        Well. Shit. He makes a good point– she’s hardly being a good role model by keeping it from him. And, well. She’s mad at him, but she does love him. Jiang Yanli has spent her entire life being the bigger person, and it just fucking figures that she’d hate herself forever if she didn’t keep taking that high road, even now, even when the last thing she wants to do is tell her brother she kind of hates him right now.

 

        “You’ve been doing it all day,” Yanli sighs. “You ruined my life, almost ruined our alliance with the Jin, and got yourself removed from the Cloud Recesses all in one blow, and yet you won’t quit acting like it’s the best thing to happen all month. I love you very much, A-Xian, and still I am seeing a lot of A-Cheng’s points from when we were kids and he was mad at you about losing his dogs.” WHAT WAS THAT? This is why she doesn’t talk to people when she’s mad at them, that was an inside thought! It should have stayed inside! She can’t even say she doesn’t mean it, because she does, right now. She just knows she won’t tomorrow. Maybe she really is her mother’s daughter, however hard she tries to be her father’s.

 

        A-Xian stares at her. “Wait. You’re mad at me… for punching the peacock? But I did that for you! He insulted you!”

 

        Yanli stares right back at him. “Did you ever consider even once that maybe my face is not so thin I cannot stand to be called plain– not even ugly, just plain– and that the implication that it is would in fact be the greater insult? Because, trust me A-Xian, for all that it does make me feel bad that Jin Zixuan thinks I’m plain, I would rather know than be lied to because people are afraid you are going to punch them in the face.” She’s raising her voice, getting… impassioned, which she never does– it isn’t befitting of a young lady of the gentry, but fuck it. They’re soaking wet and under the dock anyway, and she’s alone with a man who shares none of her blood. Technically, none of this is befitting a lady of the gentry! “Not to mention– I liked him! He may not have been my first choice, but A-Niang was happy with it, and I was happy with it, and now I am damaged goods for the rest of my life! Because you punched him in the fucking face! Because you have less than zero control over your baser impulses, and it shames not only the sect, but me specifically when you do things like this in my name! A-Xian, I can only do one thing to be of use to my sect, and this was the best I could have done at it, and you have been laughing all day about how funny it was to spoil it for me!”

 

        A-Xian lets the silence hang, like he’s waiting to see if she’ll continue, but Yanli is certain if she opens her mouth again she’ll say something she regrets. “Okay,” he says, “Can I hug you or are you too mad for that?”

 

        Arms are wrapping tightly around her before she realizes she’s said, “Please,” and it’s probably a miracle they’ve managed to get so far without seriously hurting each other, but when their kicking starts to mean kicking each other, they pull apart almost the moment they embrace.

 

        “Actually!” A-Xian says, already swimming to where there’s a small boat docked, “One sec!”

        

        He pulls the thing over underneath the dock, lodges it between two of the pole just right so it won’t float out into visibility, and holds a hand out to help boost her awkwardly in, before flinging himself in after her on what must be purely spiritual energy. There’s plenty of room in the boat, but she lays half on top of him anyway, hiding in his chest as she weeps herself dry. A-Xian scratches idly at the nape of her neck. He doesn’t apologize out loud, but she knows he wouldn’t have hurt her on purpose, so it doesn’t really matter. Xianxian is, after all, only three.

 

        They stay there for maybe twenty minutes and maybe two hours before A-Cheng comes looking for them, and is invited to come join the cuddle pile. When he does (carefully, they maneuver the boat out so he doesn’t have to get his clothes too wet), he lays fully on top of both of them, and his weight is enough to lull Yanli to sleep. Later, A-Niang will be mad at her and A-Xian and the world and probably A-Cheng too, but for now, sandwiched between her little brothers, Yanli sleeps.